Today I was offered a new project to work on with my previous boss; same salary, more control, familiar team and prospects of working in the States for some of it. I felt the pull, and I could taste the regularity of my skinny cappuccino sipping back into my life. I could work on it for a few months and then think about going it alone, perhaps this project would arm me with better skills to go it alone. Something held me back and my hesitancy was detected. I was keen that it not be thought of as being ungrateful and after much probing from my former employer I managed to utter the words that I was thinking about going it alone. Even as I said the words I felt foolish and doubtful that I could even do what I was talking about. The reaction I received was one of support and understanding from someone who had decided to go it alone when he was just a year younger than me. His support was a real blessing as I appreciate the investment he has made in me with time and patience over the last two and a half years.
Knowing that the cat was out of the bag, it made me think there was no point in holding back and I decided I would hand in my notice tomorrow, meaning I will be out of work much sooner than I anticipated which is exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. I began thinking about my boss’s words of encouragement and it made me think about the mentors I’ve had in my life, and the other times when I’ve felt I was missing the guidance I needed. For a while I thought the answer was in one long term mentor who was perfect, and believed that if only the right person took me under their wing I could achieve amazing feats.
In Dr. Dyer’s Erroneous Zones, he actually declares the opposite, that no one should be put on a pedestal above you, and that by doing so, you limit your own ability by saying “I’m not as good as them”. I found this difficult to believe at first. Surely there’s nothing wrong with aspiring to be like someone you admire? And how, at the age of twenty five, when in my eyes I haven’t achieved anything in the field of my dreams, be my own mentor? I realise that he means our strength should come internally rather than relying on anyone else to pick us up and make us feel better. This is easier said than done when you feel like the world has trampled on you all day and you haven’t a clue to what to do with your life. I do hope that one day I may have the resolve to be my own counsel, but until then, when the chips are down I’ll probably still ask myself “what would Bruce or Dolly do?”