When Enthusiasm Turns Email Marketing Ugly

There are times when you will send an email to ask for help marketing your business.

You will be excited about your offer. That’s natural.

But too much enthusiasm can make your email-marketing ugly…

Most people think this won’t happen.

They’ve read the copywriting tips and are confident they won’t make a mistake when it comes to selling the benefits to the reader.

Which is why I want to show you an imagined example of a perfectly sane person sending an insane email.

Take a glimpse inside the mind of the writer below to see how she break the rules of persuasive writing without even realising it.

When Good Intentions Turn into Awful Email-Marketing:

The inner monologue of the WRITER:

“Oh boy oh boy I am completely psyched about this new course “Rocket Fuel!” It’s going to help people market their business online. It’s easy, and fun, and breaks it down so it’s manageable even without much time. Perfect for small business owners who need to get their marketing done bit by bit.

And I really love the name, because it’s like putting your business on rocket fuel. Man people are going to LOVE that clever little name.

Okay. Now I need to hatch a big plan to launch this. I know, I’ll get in touch with marketing bloggers and see if they’ll let their readers know about it. I’ll write an email to let them know what they can do to promote.

To start, I’ll need an eye-catching headline:

Subject Line: The New  Benefits of Adding Rocket Fuel to Your Business!

Ooh, that will get their curiosity going.

Okay, I want to send this to at least 100 people, so I’ll write a standard email template. No-one will know the difference and I’m saying the same thing each time so really I’m just being efficient.

Okay, here goes:

Dear…

Oh wait, maybe that sounds too formal, I’ll put Hi! instead. That exclamation mark makes me sound all excited and friendly.

Hi!

What next? I should really include something to get their attention. You only have a few seconds when someone opens an email to  get the reader’s attention so it’s got to be snazzy. Hmmm. I should tell them how amazing the product is so they’re really stoked about promoting it.

No wait… I’m getting ahead of myself. I should give them some background to this product and explain how it came to be because creating this product has changed my life.

Oooh, that sounds sexy. People love life-changing stuff. I’ll lead with that: Here we go:

2 years ago my life changed forever when I was made redundant from my job…

Wait. That doesn’t sound very successful. “Redundant.” That’s for things that no longer have a use. That won’t work… Ooh ooh, I’ve got it!

when I was made redundant from my job quit my job to start my own business...

Hmmm. I want to impress them though and seem credible. ‘Quit’ doesn’t sound so great…

When I quit my job escaped the corporate rat-race and left behind my high salary and bonuses to make a difference to small businesses everywhere.

I sound like a frikken super hero now, they are going to love me! I’d better jump on this momentum though and get straight to the point.

Rocket Fuel is the latest marketing product

Oh wait… that probably sounds too salesy. I want them to see that this is something really good to be involved in, like an adventure or… or an opportunity! That sounds positive enough:

Rocket Fuel is the latest product…marketing opportunity

It just doesn’t sound exciting enough. A couple of adjectives should do the trick:

Rocket Fuel is the latest exciting, innovative and ground-breaking marketing opportunity for business owners in the world today.

Okay, now to get them on board. I need to write something that has gravity, something inspiring. A bit like those posters that used to say “Your Country Needs YOU!” I think they were pretty efficient…

I need YOU to help me get the word out.

Now, even though I’m sending this email to a hundred other people, I want the reader to feel really special. I read a copywriting lesson about the fear of missing out and also that people like to feel a member of a select group. Oh, I’ve got this licked!

The offer to be involved is only going out to a few select industry figures and you are one of the chosen ones! 🙂

That exclamation mark and smiley basically says I am friendly, personable and downright charming.

So, now they’re on board, I’d better tell them the details of what I need them to do:

Launch date is the 19th

Hmmm, that seems to be lacking a little fanfare

Launch date is the 19th Woot! woot!!!

Hell yeah.

Now I need you to:

Hmmm, I want to make it easy for them, I really do.  but I’m going to be getting hundreds of these back. I guess it’s much easier everyone doing a little effort than me having to do everything. Yeah…

• Send me a full page bio
• Send me a snippet bio
• Give me a high res headshot (200×200 pixels)
• Give me a high-res version of your logo
• Send out 3 emails to your list during launch (I’ll send you some stuff to cut and paste)
• Write a blog post about Rocket Fuel

That seems simple, and a pretty straight-forward request. Okay, now to ramp up the enthusiasm for the ending.

To join in and say YES to this chance…

Oh wait, I’ve heard about social proof in copywriting. You’re supposed to show that other people are involved so it makes them want to get involved. One healthy dollop of social proof coming up!

To join in and say the other business superstars who have all said a resounding YES!!! to this chance…

Now comes the call to action, tell them exactly what to do next:

Simply click here to download the application brochure to submit all of your details and upload your images.

Now to sign off with a flourish:

Here’s to putting Rocket Fuel in your Business!

That’s awesome. I’m even more excited than before.

Now to get my VA to look up a list of 100 marketing bloggers who I can send this to before the big launch.

Give me a big pat on the back and pour me a large one on ice!

 

What Your Reader Really Thinks When She Gets This Email. (That She’ll Never Tell You)

The inner monologue of the READER:

“Okay, fire up the computer, let me get a start on my day… open the inbox. Wonder if that proposal was accepted… nothing yet, I’ll chase them up later today… okay there’s one from my client, I’ll go through that when I get their file… wait.

What’s this?

Subject: The New Benefits of Adding Rocket Fuel to Your Business!

I don’t recognise the sender. It looks spammy, but hasn’t been caught in the filter. I’ll give it a click:

Hi!

2 years ago my life changed forever when I escaped the corporate rat-race and left behind my high salary and bonuses to make a difference to small businesses everywhere.

Rocket Fuel is the latest exciting, innovative and ground-breaking marketing opportunity for business owners in the world today.

I need YOU to help me get the word out.

The offer to be involved is only going out to a few select industry figures and you are one of the chosen ones! 🙂

Launch date is on the 19th Woot! Woot!!

Now I need you to:

• Send me a full page bio
• Send me a snippet bio
• Give me a high-res headshot (200×200 pixels)
• Give me a high-res version of your logo
• Send out 3 emails to your list during launch (I’ll send you some stuff to cut and paste)
• Write a blog post about Rocket Fuel

To join the other business superstars who have all said a resounding YES!!! to this chance, simply click here to download the application brochure to submit all of your details and upload your images.

Here’s to putting Rocket Fuel in your Business!

God this is an awful pitch. Why do I care about her quitting her job? And mentioning the “high-salary and bonuses?” Pfft. That’s a clumsy way of bragging to try to impress people.

‘Rocket Fuel’ – what on earth is that? Why are marketing people so bad at just telling me what their “thing” is without the unnecessary grandiose announcement of something “exciting, innovative and ground-breaking”

The fact that she’s used those words without giving me the specific details makes me think it’s anything BUT those things.

And it’s pretty arrogant to assume I’d want to be involved let alone being told what I “need” to do. the only thing I “need” to do today is refill my cup, write my ass off for my clients and schedule a post-lunch nap.

The fact that she doesn’t name any of her “business superstars” also makes me think this is total bunkum.

She may be a nice person, and her product might even be decent, but there is no clear compelling reason for me to sign up for this, and there’s not even a mention of me or my site. She’s probably just had her VA spam a bunch of marketing bloggers.”

*Move to Trash*

Want to make sure this doesn’t happen to your emails?

Stay tuned this week for part 2 – the right way to write this email.

What do you think? Have you received emails like this? Have you struggled to send emails that show your enthusiasm but come across as too presumptuous? Let me know in the comments below!